I'm still writing, and Star Trek (the 2009) still sucks

Yup. So why can't I get over it? It's been over a year!

Because my oh so thoughtful GF bought the DVD for me. And instead of destroying it in a Satanic ritual that would send it back to the bowels of hell from whence it was so clearly first thought up... I opened it up and popped it into my DVD player and started to watch it.

I'm a trekkie.
I was given a Star Trek DVD. Old habits die hard.

Surely it can't have been just that? Well yes, actually. It's primarily because I AM a trekkie. I'm open minded, accepting of new ideas, new cultures, new concepts. I thought mayhaps I was only imagining and misremembering how terrible it was because when I saw it in the theatres I was honestly expecting something that wasn't, you know, Star Wars.

I thought, maybe I only hated this movie because it decided to take place in an alternate timeline that truly doesn't matter, that it replaces my beloved 1960s cast with a buncha young punks who probably think Voyager is old trek. Also, because of its retarded backstory, which is canon despite appearing only in a comic book. I thought maybe I simply misremembered the movie as being terrible due to it simply being different.

I was wrong.

Not about how terrible it was, I was wrong about having imagined how atrocious it was. I was wrong to be an open minded accepting trekkie. I'm like a hamfisted lesson in TOS about being TOO accepting of the different and the ugly and the alien; a red shirted graduate who can't wait to go shake hands with a Klingon during the height of the Federation/Klingon cold war.

Turns out the movie is actually worse than I remembered it. My first viewing was so traumatizing that I actually suppressed about 90% of it's sheer crapulence from my conscious memory.

I'm not kidding.
I think this movie has given me a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder. If you can call any case of PTSD mild.

From the first few minutes, I was actually yelling at my tv set. As if it had done something wrong. As if it were Orci. Every stupid little thing made me pause it to yell something out about that stupid little thing.

It was so prevalent, and there were so many things, from minor details to major fucking ones, that I paused so much, it took me 30 minutes to get through the first 15 minutes of the movie to the opening title screen.

It's not as if I spent a lot of time on each thing that bothered me either. A few seconds for each pause, AT MOST. And still I doubled the time of this opening scene just through all the problems I saw.

Problems that, if you remember, shouldn't possibly be there this early since it's the arrival of the Narada that apparently changes everything.

It's not like 'yesterdays enterprise' either. Where the 1701-C shows up 50 years into the future and thus changed the 50 years that had transpired for the worse, which resulted in the vastly different bridge of the 1701-D and totally different uniforms.

Nope. The Narada is from the future. It's arrival into the past couldn't possibly change things as they exist in the past just by virtue of it's having arrived there. Not until it at least opens fire. And then, only to things that happen from that point on.

And I know; it's arrival creates a divergent timeline.
Not a universe exactly, a timeline. Things are different in this timeline.

Fine. I'm okay with that. I don't mind change. I don't even mind that they destroyed Vulcan. They did it stupidly in a terrible movie. But I'm fine with it.

But why would I give a fuck about THIS timeline? Clearly it can't affect the real timeline. Seriously. It can't. If it can, then none of the events IN the timeline itself can possibly happen.

Wipe that paradox drool off your chin.
It's not that complicated. Honestly.

Vulcan is destroyed. Red matter was created at the Vulcan science academy 100 years from the movies main time-frame to save Romulus. Done by Ambassador Spock.

There's no more Vulcan Science academy. Spock is no longer likely to become an ambassador for a mission his older self already assured him WILL FAIL.

So no red matter will be created. No black hole. No Narada coming back to create this sequence of events which prevents the Narada from going back to begin with. Paradox!

Nope. Because as we've established, it's an alternate timeline.

So clearly, the Narada entered what was ALREADY an alternate timeline, one that already didn't fucking matter in terms of the real timeline.

Why is it clearly already an alternate timeline? Because the Kelvin and its crew and this starfleet clearly doesn't operate by the same rules as our starfleet. In fact, in this timeline, the fictional laws of subspace physics don't even function in the same ways as the fictional laws of subspace physics do in the main timeline.

Because a ship requires nacelles in PAIRS in order to achieve warp. That's in the star trek bible written by Roddenberry. It's also true that not one single canon ship has nacelles that aren't in pairs.

Ok smarty pants I know. What about the future 1701-D from 'all good things' with the 3rd nacelle?!

What about it? That was just like this; another timeline, except instead of seeing a point in that timelines past, we saw a point in the future... from the perspective of the main timeline. So, clearly in that timeline, the fictional subspace laws allowed nacelles in odd numbers.

I just played with therm canon there. Canon is what we see on screen (and occasionally certain novelizations or unfortunately, the R worded countdown comicbook), and if we see a 3 nacelled ship it's canon.

Yes, except the events of that episode clearly indicate that it was a future of an alternate timeline, which the individual consciousness of Picard happened to be jumping into now and again. Through the power of Q.

If you don't know this; Q can alter reality. OR, at least, appear to do so. Therefore, that timeline, and everything about it, may not even be real. It's not exactly clear what Q does. We can't be sure it was even another timeline, or just something that happened all within Picards mind. The Q are still mysterious, even with all the BS about the continuum and kids and war we saw in Voyager. The short of this is; the 3 nacelled 1701-D isn't/wasn't really necessarily a real ship, thus... not exactly canon. Even though we saw it.

Honestly it's not even as complicated as it sounds. But that's not the point here.

The point is far more simple. Why should I give a fuck about this movies timeline?

These are not the crew I know. They are no more like Kirk and Spock than the mirror universe versions of Kirk and Spock.

Their reactions, their behaviors, nothing at all indicates they're at all like the characters from the primary timeline.

So what we need, obviously... is Daniels.

Wait, what? who the fuck is Daniels?!

Jesus. Yes, actually...He's sort of like Jesus. If Jesus was bald, struck you as possibly homosexual, and an agent that worked for what can only be described as 'time police' that was engaged in a temporal cold war during Enterprise. A concept that, unfortunately, it's writers couldn't fully exploit to it's full potential. Nevertheless, it did make for some pretty good episodes.

See, I'm quite comfy with the concept of time travel, alternate timelines and quantum realities. Because I've fucking been watching trek these last 40 years.

The question is, why should a trekkie like me, who's been watching trek these last 40 years, and who is just as well aware as I am about the fact that the new movie takes place in an alternate timeline that has ZERO to do with the main timeline, care at all about any other movie that takes place in this timeline?

Well why did I care about Enterprise? Didn't it take place in an alternate timeline? No. The whole series of events of First Contact was established to take place IN the prime timeline AND also in the Enterprise timeline. The temporal cold war did change some things, but ultimately history unfolded as it was supposed to.

But the new timeline?

Honestly, I won't care at all. Not until stories in this time line start dealing with the fact that Spock prime (senile old Spock) REALIZES what I've already realized without a century of Vulcan logic and direct experience with time travel.

Once he realizes that it's just an alternate timeline, he'll realize he doesn't belong there. That anything he does there is irrelivent to the people he actually knows. That the young Spock here, is NOT him, and can never be him. He'll also realize that, perhaps, if he can get back to the proper main timeline he's from, he can prevent the supernova that destroys Romulus, and thus also erase the events in this timeline which resulted in the needless deaths of billions of Vulcans.

It's the only logical course of events for a character like Spock. The ONLY way to avoid this is to actually kill off Spock Prime. For real this time.

There, see. I only griped a little about the awful movie. I didn't even gripe about how bad the next one will be. Yet.

Live long and prosper.